Halloween Chili

Best made during the last phase of the moon, if that is not possible, just do the best you can in a softly lighted kitchen after dark. Brown the gizzards in an iron cauldron over a fire made from the siding off of a haunted house, add chopped eye of cyclops and simmer until the pieces of eye become translucent again, add blood of bat, and soft shelled beetles, bring to a slow bubbling boil. At this time, add the common weed, maggots, toenails, sumac, grubs, hemlock, eye of newt and the pureed wasp. As it cooks you may want to adjust the consistency with pond water. You can tell it is done when the eye of newt swells and the vertical tan colored 'cats eye' appears on one side.

The real directions:

Brown the ground beef in a Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Add the onion and cook until soft. Drain off any excess grease.

Add the V-8 juice and kidney beans and bring to a boil. Add the oregano, rice, crushed red pepper flakes, chili powder, celery, sugar, barley, and mustard. Reduce the heat to a simmer and let cook until the barley is tender. Add water if needed during the cooking time.

Serve hot.

Recipe Source: Original author unknown.